This is a random act of affection

Actions speak louder than words – but what does a combination amount to? Not fucking sure yet myself, but if the universe does what it meant to, it should pay out in me picking up some hot-arse fellas.

The idea of delivering a random act of affection came to me when I was following (not in a freaky pervy way) a reasonable-looking ginger up Rye Lane to the train station. After having seen this particular chap on a number of occasions, I started to think to myself, how can I get his attention – if my smokin’ hot dress/hair combination is not doing it?

BAM! It came to me, random act of affection – a modest note proclaiming.... something.... possibly just ‘BAM, you have just received a random act of affection’. If nothing else, he would definitely know that I was having a bit of a look and if he was interested, he would have an in to start up some chat. Brilliant, yes.

Ideas are one thing, actions, another. Paralysed by the indecision and perceived complexities around how I could face Peckham Rye station every morning if he were not to reciprocate, I neglected to make this move. And so the new weapon in the war on no dates was left in waiting...

London Bridge – the screen of nothing significant to my knowledge, except the compelling urge to leave random acts. It was not however the reasonable ginge who was the recipient of my first random act, but a non-descript brunette, so non-descript that this is the best I can offer in the way of a description. With a three station window of opportunity, I took out my pink post-it note pad and oversized pencil and drafted the note:

This is a random act of affection. Should you be interested in what this means for you – contact missjaijai on (blar).

Folded in it half, gave it a 'Have a great night (smiley face)' for good measure and waited. On arrival at Peckham, stood, stuck the post-it notes to the newspaper he was reading and left the coach.

Then what you ask..... Well, T-2 hours on from the random act, I am yet to receive a response. If determination won more than the coach’s award in netball, I would definitely be a winner. Sadly at this stage, effort is not translating to achievement. However, this will not stop me from having a random crack – why the fuck would it?!

Note in closing: I am becoming increasing unsure if my ‘efforts’ would be considered by most as ‘grasping at straws’ or be considered more like ‘losing grip of reality’. Either way, the process is pretty fucking funny, right?

Operation 007: The Business Account

After several months of quiet reflection on the failings of my attempts to online date, I thought it best to go back to the old faithful - use office communication tools to have a crack on dudes at work.


Target: JS - Ofsted's Hunk of Man winner 2010 (according to me anyways). Otherwise known as 007. I am The Business (naturally):


Email sent 13:21 – The Business to 007


Hi there Jonathan,


I have a random and slightly cheeky favour to ask.... are you, or anyone in your team, able to certify documents? I am attempting to open a new bank account, and to do so, I need some papers certified by either 'a Solicitor, Accountant or Bank Official'. Sadly, I do not really know any folks over here that dabble in these professions.


So, if you can certify docs (and would not mind helping me get on the fast-track to big savings with a cool 2.9% interest rate), would it be possible for me to come down to get your scribble on a couple of pieces of paper??


No worries either way, I just thought it worth asking (smiley face)
Thanks for your time, and with luck, your help!


Cheers,
Jaime


Reply received 15:37 – 007 to The Business


Hi Jamie,


You would be right in thinking that I can sign off your application form. If you have the docs with you today I’ll be happy to sign if you come to the 6th floor.


J


Apprehensively, The Business applied lip colour and boofed up….. my hair…. and proceeded down to two flights of stares to where 007 was located. Noticing immediately that he was on the phone, I lingered awkwardly around the desk. 007 gestured something, in code The Business could not understand, forcing 007 to stop his conversation and tell me he will call me when he is done. Sheepishly, The Business left.


Office Commuicator – 007 to The Business
Finally, I'm off the phone. Do you want to pop down again?
On arrival, the presence of The Business seemed to nerve 007, making him lost for words as to what to write on the forms. Colleagues jeered then left The Business and 007 alone to get the job done. In finishing the document signing, 007 remarked: ‘I should probably leave my number in case they want to contact me.’ And proceeded to do so. Small banter prevailed, The Business thanked 007 kindly and went back to her desk.


Office Communicator – 007 to The Business
Just been chatting to my colleague. I think you might come unstuck at the bank. Apparently on the application form it says what I need to do and where to sign. Have you got the application form with you today? Just have a look.


Stupidly, The Business proceeded to Office Communicate:
Hummm, let me just check my emails and see what they sent me - give me a sec........


Okay there is a line on it that says the following.........


* Certified copies must have "Certified Original Sighted" written/stamped on them with the certification signed and dated by a Solicitor, Accountant or a Bank Official. You can send us original documents however, for security reasons, we do not recommend this.
Is this the kind of thing?


Realising in retrospect the correct course of action would have been to say: Found something, I will bring it down. BUT NO!!


The Business now sits, waiting, hoping that 007 will communicate again, but is unsure what to do next.


Finally, The Business sent this:

Sent: 16 February 2011 17:45

To: 007

Subject: RE: Random question

Hi Jonathan,

Thanks again for certifying the papers for me. I have attached a picture of a spider I stole from the internet. It was valued at AU$233.95 by the guy who tried to pay an overdue account with it. I hope this is sufficient remuneration for your services.

 

 

http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

Alternatively, I could just buy you a beer sometime if you would be interested?

Cheers,

Jaime

From: 007

Sent: 17 February 2011 10:26

To: The Business

Subject: RE: Random question

Jamie,

That’s a lot of dosh for a spider who’s missing a leg, he has got a cheeky smile though.

Cheers 

J

(Lucky I finished at Ofsted on Friday - see ya later 007!)